Some Self-Reflection

My weeks lately seem to be comprised of catching buses and dealing with the lack of running water in site. Travelling is a pain, especially since I have to ask someone to take care of my animals, but it's usually an invigorating break from the day to day routine of just living in the countryside. The story with the running water is that apparently lightning struck the well pump and screwed up the motor. A lot of money is required to fix it, and no one wants to pay, so it could be this way for a good amount of time. I have a shallow well in my front yard. The water is not safe to drink straight out of the well but I have been boiling it and also my friend JoonWoo just lent me his water filter. My neighbors come two or three times a day to fill up buckets and carry them back up the hill to their house.

I'm feeling frustrated by wanting to do more project work here, but feeling constricted by logistical challenges. I don't want to spend multiple mornings or days in town each week; I like being in site. However, I need town for things - to buy materials, to print information, to make copies, to get groceries, to get animal feed. It's also getting dark by 5:30pm now. In some ways, I'd love to have a Monday-Friday, 9-5 schedule at this point. Then I could take time for myself without feeling guilty about it. But my life isn't conducive to that. I have to take advantage of the time that people make for me in their schedules, so it's mostly late afternoons and weekends. Don't get me wrong - I'm pretty constantly cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry during my "free time." But then I also try to do some reading, letter writing, guitar playing, and yoga each day. And now...I'm not sure. I just know that I want to do more, but every time I start planning something in my head, I immediately caught up in the complicated logistics of how and when and then get so overwhelmed that I defeat myself before I even start.

Maybe I'm afraid of failure. That if I don't plan something exactly right, that no one will come. And this is a definite possibility. But I think I need to start thinking less and start going for it more.

Also, I may need to start toning down my cooking desires. If only I didn't so appreciate good food and how much better I feel when I eat it!